The Impossible May Take A Little While

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!–
That a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures…

 Antonio Machado
Translated by Robert Bly
Excerpted from “ Last Night As I was Sleeping”

I have had some conversations in the last couple of weeks with friends who are suffering from disappointments and setbacks. These conversations have made me think of the concept of hope, where it comes from and how we can find it in the shadow lands of hard times.

The word tell us that God gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. This produces an ancient rub between this world and the next—driving us to look for his secret aqueducts of hope. These aqueducts require an orientation of heart and spirit to God and a knowledge of his intentions towards us. In other words, we have to drop the thing we wanted, in order to grab the hope.

This is particularly hard, because while God holds this fabulously, long view of us, we are often clutching the small, broken piece in our hand and we are reluctant to let it go.  Maybe we think its our reality, or fear it will be forgotten–whatever the reason we hold on.

So often, I have wanted to be vindicated for the small broken places of failure or wrong done to me. So my prayers become deals with God and my faith and hope contingent on his delivery.  Thankfully, the relationship that God wants with us is real and built on something more solid. He knows that redemption, (the impossible) takes a little while.  In fact, there is no promise we will see it in this life.  Our hope of navigating great hardship lies in our own hands and hearts—where we put our faith and knowing what is promised. We have to change the orientation of our heart–to gain a bigger vision for our lives.

There are many times in my life, where I have seen God’s redemptive work.  I shared an experience with a friend recently.  My husband and I were married in September, 1997 and we had to be in Portland in early November for a  job.  We had driven to Portland earlier and looked at several places to rent.  We fell in love with a brand new, 2 bedroom condo. It was posh, contemporary and just what we were looking for.  At the last minute, our application was turned down.  We felt humiliation and frustration and that old familiar injustice of it all. It seemed pointless to try to apply for anything else, so we decided we would find something once we were there.

We loaded up the trailer with everything we owned and headed for Portland with no place to stay.  Before we left Idaho, we stopped for breakfast and Pat picked up the Newspaper.  In the middle of our meal, Pat turned to the rentals and found a small ad for a house in Hillsboro.  He called on it before we left.  We secured it and a day later we drove into the driveway of our new home.  It was a typical home in the suburbs, with a great room and three bedrooms-one for each of our kids on the weekends.

There was so much that day, we didn’t know. What we didn’t know was that 3 months later we would discover that our kids were in danger and would be compelled to get physical custody.  What we didn’t know that day was that the judge would grant us that custody, and that his decision would be influenced by the little house in Hillsboro. As he gave us his decision, he made a point of sharing the importance that our kids would have a stable, consistent home, with the privacy of their own bedroom.  

We didn’t know so much. We didn’t see that our kids safety would be contingent on the shards of disappointment in losing the uber-cool, contemporary, 2 bedroom condo. But God knew, and even though it took a little while to see it, he held the plan for us all.

What small shards are you holding in your hand today? What disappointment or grief are you allowing to shift the orientation of your heart? Turn your eyes to the place where the heart is mended, and the spirit is set free. Let go–turn around. The impossible is waiting somewhere in front of you.  It has been there all this time–it just may take a little while.

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