Why We Need Each Other

“To me, fair friend, you never can be old.
For as you were when first your eye I eyed, such seems your beauty still.” William Shakespeare

I find comfort in this painting of The “Gathering of The Gals” by Annie Salness. There is a sense that the weight of their sorrows and the girth of their dreams is a cup shared between them in silence. They have the long view of each other. It is a weathered friendship, where they are known and loved despite their shortcomings.

I have some friendships like these. They have seen me through my zany youth, my search for meaning, marriage, motherhood, aches and pains and heartbreak. Their voices, a constant, when I came to the end of myself, like when I didn’t think I could write a book or speak in front of a huge group of women– or do a radio show. They have my back and I have their’s. We are a club of tenacious survivors and when the going gets tough we all throw down and remind each other what we are made of. I personally couldn’t do what I do without them.

I am reminded what we can create in our lives if we pay attention to the women who have known us through our life passages and invest in nurture these relationships. Aside from the obvious time investment, there are other things that I have learned along the way about what it takes to keep friendships for life.

These are my simple rules:

• I am not a superhero. Most of my friends are fierce and incredibly smart. They don’t need me to save them. What they want is my best listening skills and my honest, yet loving, view of them. I have learned to set my oh-so–valuable, super powers aside.

• I don’t need to be right. Sometimes I disagree with my friends on any number of things. That has to be okay. Bottom line, I am more interested in having the friendship than being right.

• I am not a professional counselor. I have learned that just because I think I know what my friend should do, does not mean I should share it. I say, stay clear of counseling, unless you are a counselor. Be the fan club and not the friend with the couch.

• It is almost never about me. If I don’t hear from my friend for a while or if they seem snippy or curt — my rule is simple. It is not about me, it is almost never about me, so it will most likely not be about me anytime soon. Don’t personalize what friends do or don’t do. Trust in the friendship.

We need each other. Women are just better with a tribe, a team, a pack that knows our scent, our foot prints and sees us differently than we see ourselves. It is worth the time, the energy, and the cost of postage and phone calls to have this in our lives. We will live longer, get more done and, in general, be happier in the doing. Besides, who will sit next to us on the bench for a rest when we are out of breath? Who will remind us that we are formidable and get on our last nerve when we are old women? Who indeed.

Who are these friendships in your life and what do you need to do to connect with them today?

Annie Salness is an artist who studied illustration and biomedical illustration at California State University of Long Beach. From small canvases to full murals, Annie revels in working with clients to learn their stories, unearth their passions and breathe life into their memories. She also participates in various art shows and has extensive experience in doing commissioned pieces. She lives with her husband and four children in Portland, OR. For information regarding showings or to discuss a commissioned work, contact her at annie@anniesalness.com. Prints of this painting are available for sale at Annie’s website.

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