Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Posted by Kathy on Oct 22, 2009 in Blog | 1 comment

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“New requirements require new strategies that demand we get real about what we can handle.”

For someone who almost never gets sick, I was surprised when my ability to stay vertical came to a crashing halt. I didn’t resist. I accepted the time as a kind of reprieve from real life. I share this with you not to garner your sympathy, but because we women rarely take time to just be, meditate and refresh. If we get sick, we see it as a frustration, something to get over quickly and efficiently, so we can be productive and valuable.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that sickness is not just about being sick. It is about the condition of our minds, immune systems, and the toxins stored up in our bodies. It is also about our willingness to let go of our routine and let our bodies call the shots. Most of the time we are so busy thinking about what we should be doing, we don’t hear the much quieter voice of our bodies and our souls telling us to take care, slow down, take naps, drink more water, get exercise, have fun, eat more fruits and vegetables, drink less coffee, breathe deeply and pray. Sickness is about a whole bunch of things we are not paying attention to.

This week I realized my life requirements have changed in the past 6 months. I have a husband who retired and is in a life transition, a new book that needs promoting, a coaching business, a design consulting job, two kids in college, and an aging dog who’s current vet bill could have bought me a new apple computer this month. I freely admit to you, I can’t handle it all.

Life requirements change all the time–your last child moves out, you get laid off, a parent needs some extra care. These changes throw a wrench into our schedules and routines. They throw us off balance. When our life requirements change often we just don’t notice what we have added to our list of concerns and demands, which can leave us feeling confused about why our lives no longer work. New requirements require new strategies that demand we get real about what we can handle.

We won’t all be wearing Girl Scout uniforms in Heaven. We won’t get badges for clean dishes and laundry and consistently providing wholesome, yet tasty dinners every night. I’m not really sure God even gives a hoot about that. So all of that stuff is really about looking like we have it together. I’m not suggesting that we all stop doing these things, just that we stop acting like they take priority over our own self-care.

So to all of you, who are just trying to keep up with everything, please understand, getting a cold bug is the “least” of what can happen when we try to keep it all spinning.

Here are a few indicators that you may be experiencing an imbalance of expectations and life requirements:

1. Anger and frustration: Be honest about this, because we all have a tendency to spiritualize this stuff to death. If you are standing doing the dishes at 9:00pm filled with resentment toward your husband or family members, don’t push it aside. Figure out some other way to deal with the dishes, but please don’t stuff it. Anger is a symptom of not being heard, considered or honored. You have the power to turn that around if you can get real about what you can handle.

2. Fatigue and lack of passion for your life: Are you bored with your routine? Are you just tired? Maybe the way you plan your day no longer serves you. What could you do to shake it up? Maybe take an African dance class? Or, join a walking group. S-t-r-e-e-t-c-h your life experience to find something that reignites your energy.

3. Stress and anxiousness: Do you try to organize your bathroom cabinets at 3:00 am in your head? How are you sleeping? What are you eating? How do you move? EAT-MOVE-BREATHE is the best equation I know for staying healthy and balanced.

4. Disconnection: Have you forgotten your intentions for the year or forgotten to make some? What are the things you want for your life? Put yourself back on the list, way up at the top.

5. Over-commitment: Do you simply have too much on your plate? Who have you said “no” to lately? “No” is a complete sentence. Practice using it with things that will drain precious energy so you can say, “YES” to the things that fill your reserves and promote your own self-care.

Join me as I slow down. leave some dishes in my sink, and say “YES” to my own health and sanity. Go collect a few Fall leaves (one for each day) before they are all gone, get your hair cut, buy a book, have your cake and don’t worship at the altar of ‘I’m-just-the-mom.”  Don’t be afraid to admit that you can’t handle everything life has handed you this season.

Instead treat yourself like a VIP. Ask yourself “How have my life requirements changed this season?” “What can I handle—reasonably?” “What changes do I need to make to my list of expectations?”

Who knows, maybe there is a badge in Heaven for being real about what we can handle and believing that God can handle the rest.  What do you think?

Kathy Vick, C.L.C. Head of Girl Hoopla