Five Things Every Girl Should Know (week 3)

Unlocking The Traps -- Fulfilling Our Destinies

Posted by Kathy on Dec 20, 2009 in Blog | 0 comments

The number three thing you need to know is that You have a Saboteur in your head.

Inside our heads is a voice that stands in our way from making progress with our intentions. I refer to her as “the bad girlfriend”, because if she were a real woman we would have nothing to do with her.

Unfortunately, she lives inside your mind and took resident there long ago.  Maybe you have met her.  She is the voice that encourages you with words like “Who do you think you are?” or “You aren’t a very good mom”. She makes keen observations like “Man, You look old today”, “Wow, you’ve put on a few pounds.”  She inspires you with” You never were any good at that, what makes today different?  The bad girlfriend knows every button of your subconscious mind.  In stealth mode she runs your life–her goal was to keep me in a small place where she held all the controls.

The first step to unlocking the trap of the saboteur is to identify, spotlight and Dismiss the Bad Girlfriend. After all, the sooner she leaves the better.

How do you identify the bad girlfriend?

Notice what comes up for you when she is speaking?  Do you feel uplifted or taken down a notch?  Do you feel like you need to work harder or longer?  These are her identifying features. Notice your indicators, does your blood pressure go up, do you worry or feel anxious. DO YOU FEEL DE-ENERGIZED?

When you bring her out into the open and put her under the light, she begins to loosen her control and you get back the keys to moving forward towards a bigger life.

How do you dismiss the saboteur? Dismissing the bad girlfriend begins with deciding to become a friend of your mind—to guard and protect it from inside out.

1.    Notice themes and schemes of her voice. What are things that are always on your mind? Those extra pounds, your friendships or your job? What is the running dialogue? “You’ll never stick to eating better, you never finish anything?” “You must have said something wrong, because your friend isn’t calling you?” “You need to do a better job or you may get fired?”

2.  Decide what is true. I can guarantee you that the Bad Girlfriend is not telling you the truth—or at least not the whole truth.  So decide what you believe and dismiss the rest.  Take back control; remember you get to choose what you believe about yourself and your life.

Homework for this week:

1. What are your own personal indicators that you have a Bad Girlfriend in your head?

2. How much time do you spend trying to deal with fear, anxious thoughts, and low self worth?

3. How can you decide what is true about what she says?

4. Who can you enlist  help from?

Be a friend of your mind and stop the conversations inside your head that defeat you before you start.  I am reminded of SNL’s Stuart Smalley, who would look in a mirror at the end of every show and repeat, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”  He would say anything less was just “stinkin thinkin.”  I agree, a woman who has dismissed her Bad Girlfriend, is a woman that is free to focus her heart and mind on her intentions and knows she will get there. That is my wish for you.