Where is Your Tribe?

Posted by Kathy on Aug 23, 2009 in Blog | 5 comments

Quote: “A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

Women find strength in each other—we are born collaborators who need each other to be at our best. Our weakness is our inherent need to look like we fly solo and can do it all. We trade our need for a tribe for the perception that we are Superwoman. This one blind spot can take take us out of the game and off our path. Not to mention, it is not nearly as satisfying or fun as being in the company of great women!

While it seems obvious that we all need support team, many busy women see time with these special friends as a luxury. We do not place importance on building and maintaining these kinds of relationships. We may also assume that people we like are part of our support team. Not true. A personal support team, even if it is one or two people, must offer the kind of support that is truly helpful. For example, if you have a friend who is over-critical or who takes precious energy to be around, this person is not an effective support person. She is not part of your tribe.

A personal support team is a small group of close friends, who accept us for who we are, get excited when we win the race, and will be there when we feel lost or overwhelmed. Members of a support team are good listeners and confidents. They will pray for us, help us keep perspective, maintain our balance and be focused on our life goals.

What are the indicators that you do not have a team, or believe that you somehow need to fly solo? Well, look around you. Take an inventory of what needs to be finished in your life. Do you have clutter, a half-painted kitchen, disorganized closets or other projects that aren’t completed? Do you whip yourself over things that you somehow don’t make time for, like your intention to walk everyday, finish that bible study, book, or manuscript? How about the dreams in your life that you just lack the energy and support to put on your radar? All these things make us feel like we are somehow just surviving and that is sure sign that we have been trying to do it ourselves and have not been investing in our team.

How do you build your team?
First, be intentional. Make a list of what kind of women you need on your team.
Here is my list.
Women on my personal team are open and honest.
They make me laugh.
My tribe stretches me, accepts me and celebrates me.
These women are Invested in my best interests.
They are all problem-solvers, positive thinkers, and risk-takers.

Feel free to steal my list or add to it.

Second, put together a plan for finding these kinds of women. Where do you think you might find them? What organizations, church groups or events do you need to check out? I found one in a belly dancing class, another in at an Ad club meeting, a couple through my blog or other writing projects.

Third, make a list of the friend or friends that currently fits your list. Some of us have old friends from our past that we have lost touch with. Find them and reconnect. Enlist their help. One of my closest friends introduced me to several women that became good friends and supporters.

Fourth, be the friend you need, rather than the friend who needs to save others. For example if we act as though we have all the answers, we attract women who are looking to us for the answers. If we feel obligated to solve our friends problems, we will attract women who want us to solve their problems. None of us really wants that in our lives, we want friends that believe in us and have faith in our ability to be innovators and problem-solvers. Be that kind of friend.

We all need a personal support team. It is like water or air. You will live longer, be far less lonely and be strengthened by the presence of your tribe. I call them my true believers. They believe in me, no matter how many times I might stumble. Begin today by giving this some serious thought and action. Let me know what kind of friend you are looking for.  Trade your Superwoman in and ask God to help you find your tribe.

I wanted to end with a story about  “Fight Like a Girl”.   It started with a routine mammogram for a co-worker, who happened to be a nurse in the mammography department. Then they found something on the film.The entire hospital rallied around their colleague, Mary. They contacted Signify Promotions to design and print a shirt that could be sold to help offset her medical expenses. Through T-shirt sales and a chili supper, they raised more than $20,000. When they reached the $20,000 mark, Mary said, “That’s all I need. Keep going with the shirts. But share the wealth.”  The good news is Mary is now Cancer free.  And the shirts continue to do good in supporting others.  

We will all have a “worst day” and when that day comes, we will need our tribes, our true believers to rally around us. God never intended for us to stand alone,  but to find strength in each other.

Kathy Vick C.LC.
www.runlikeagirl.com
www.fluentlifecoaching.com
503 886 9642

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter